Somewhere along the line, I became part of the establishment

[mahogany]

I wasn't a perfect teen - far from it, in fact. I cursed and drank and smoked, and stayed out too late, and snuck into nightclubs. Still, I somehow managed to stay aware of my surroundings. If there were children around, I stopped myself from doing those things. It's a courtesy thing, that seems to be sorely lacking in a lot of people, I've noticed. Today, the dh and I were at the park playing frisbee with the kids, and having a great time. There were other young kids there besides ours. Some teenagers showed up and man-oh-man, was their language ever objectionable. It was the f-bomb, here, and OMFG there, with some dumbasses and shits thrown in for good measure. And it was loud. We left.

So now I'm sitting at home fuming. I feel like I should have said something. Why should we leave because of their bad behaviour. Dh feels like I would have embarrassed the kids (not to mention him, I'm sure) by saying something. I dunno. It just seems pretty backward to me. They should have been the ones having to either A) tone down their language, or B) move somewhere else.

[Poll #1170649]

Comments

[kishiriadgr.livejournal.com]

No point in saying anything. It does no good.

Last time I heard someone dropping excessive f-bombs it was an angry couple on the bus. The driver had to get on the intercom and tell them to quit using that kind of language. The irony is that they were talking about how to raise children right....

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

That's classic!

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

So, I said Both Say nothing and Stay, and Other. The reason I said that is because - it's not that foul language isn't a big deal so much that I don't want to make a big deal out of it to my kids - like drinking, if I make that a huge big taboo, they'll rush out to try to at every opportunity. My brother took great pleasure in swearing when he was 12, because he thought he was getting a rise out of my, my mother, etc. I'd rather cut that off at the pass, if I could, by just acting as if those are unpleasant things that also aren't a completely big deal.

Mind you, I'll let you know once it actually comes to that for me. Heh!

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough hearing swearing doesn't particularly bother or offend me. Frankly, I've found that it can feel really good to insert the occassional curse word when I'm really feeling it.

When I hear swearing used as adjectives, nouns, verbs, adverbs without discretion, I'll admit it starts to grate on my nerves and I must confess, it leaves me with a negative impression of the user of said language. I think that's the reason that I don't like my kids to be around people that are using foul language. It's not a case of "Oh no, my kid heard the F-Word! The world is coming to an end!!!" It's more that I don't like them being around swearing to the point that the language is completely saturated with profanity. I've also noticed that when young children swear, it tends to be in the more indiscriminate manner where ever second word is an expletive. Somehow it makes the kids sound incredibly uncreative, and unintelligent to me.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

I should add, though, that I never ever ever swear in front of any children, no matter how much I might feel like it.

[nightynight.livejournal.com]

You know, I initially voted 'move', but think now I would say something. I think that there's nothing wrong with calling people on their manners, and maybe they weren't such bad kids and truly did not know what they were doing. Teenagers are hormonal morons. I remember cussing a lot and I think that if someone had said something to me, the right way, had I done so in the presence of their small children, I would have learned the lesson.

like

"You know, I personally have no problem with swearing, and believe me I've done my fair share of it myself, but like most parents I try to protect these little ears I'm responsible here from that as long as I can and it would be really helpful if you guys considered that in public. Just tone it down a bit, and help me out, okay?"

Honestly, who would say no to you? They might act resentfully but I think that they'd think twice in the future, and that would do a favor to another parent down the road.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Why can't I think of stuff like that on the fly? Seriously, if I could come up with something like that when the occassion arises, I would end up doing nothing and fuming far less often.

Did I ever mention that you're going to make a kick ass mama someday? For real!

Considering that this was a rant on swearing...

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Hey, and did you like how I managed to work a curse word into my response?

[triplep.livejournal.com]

It really depends on the situation. I've turned around at a restaurant and asked a group of grown men to tone it down because I was sitting at a table of mixed kids and mostly moms.

I've also been at a pretty rough urban park, asked kids not to throw bottles at cars and had them threaten to throw said bottles at me for interfering.

So, sometimes, I do a bit of silent fuming. Especially if it seems I'm dealing with kids who are completely oblivious to the idea of respecting others.

I do swear a bit myself (mostly on the road, or if I stub my toes, etc) and Astrid's definitely been known to swear. We've always stressed that while it doesn't particularly bother us, there are places where it is extremely inappropriate and where she will get judged by how she conducts herself. I'm less concerned with 4 letter words than the use of words like "stupid" or "dumb" or words that will hurt feelings.

Actually, over the past six months or so, she has asked her father and myself to tone it down and given suggestions for made up expletives should we feel we really need to use them.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

I'm less concerned with 4 letter words than the use of words like "stupid" or "dumb" or words that will hurt feelings.

I totally hear you on that one! Also, I think it's immensely neat that Astrid teels you and her dad to tone things down on occassion. She sounds like a pretty cool kid.

[gentlemaitresse.livejournal.com]

When my oldest son was 2 (he's now 24), I heard him say "Dammit!" while trying to do something with his Legos. I realized then that I was modeling a style of speech that is particularly offensive when uttered by young children. I changed my ways, never said anything to him, and the word eventually dropped from his vocabulary (until his teens, anyway).

I continue to watch my own language, but I don't make a big deal of what others around us might say. When it has come up, I've explained to my children that it is usually people of a lower class or those with less education who use that type of language regularly. As actors, they might be called upon to speak that way, if they are playing the part of that kind of person.

I have also told them that it is intended to show strong emotion, and I don't say anything about my teens using these words in that way as long as they are not doing it to be hurtful (in which case, as triplep said, words like "stupid" can be just as bad). It's when it is used indiscriminately, as you described, that it loses all meaning.

My children know that many people find certain things offensive, and therefore they should not do those things in front of others in order to be polite. This includes picking your nose, scratching your genitals, or using certain words.

If my own children suddenly chose to use that kind of language on a regular basis, I would question who they were trying to impress and why.