The nod

[mahogany]

When my husband and I first started dating, he quickly had to learn about “the nod”.

“Do you know that guy?” he asked me as I nodded at another black person in passing.
“Nope,” I said.
“So, why are you nodding at each other? Do you think he’s hot or something? Was he checking you out?”

Fast forward eight years to the present. There have been one or two times that I’ve caught Jason nodding at black people that he passes. I’m quite certain he’s not doing it consciously, but I do wonder they’re thinking when he does it. Sometimes my husband totally cracks me up.

Comments

[machy.livejournal.com]

Please explain further. Why would they wonder? A lot of people give friendly nods to people that they pass by. What would make it strange that your husband does?

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

That's a good point - especially since my husband's a pretty friendly looking guy. I guess I've just noticed because it's not something he used to do. So it's more amusing to me than to an outsider. Kind of like listening to him use Trinidadian slang. It's sooo cute - especially since again, I don't think he realizes he's doing it.

[machy.livejournal.com]

Is your husband a different race than you? Forgive me for not knowing that, if he is. I was just curious because your original post made it seem like it is strange that a "non-black" person would nod to a "black person" that is what I was wondering.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

My husband is white. One of these days I'll get around to posting a photo. I think he's really handsome but the photos I have of him aren't very flattering.

I guess (and admittedly it's an artifical distinction in my mind) that I see what he's doing as the nod (and what I'm referring to here is the specail nod that very visible minorities give to each other when they see someone whom they identify as being of the same group, as opposed to a generic nod of "hey how's it going," that you might give to a stranger with whom you make eye contact regardless of race. So I don't think it strange that a white person would nod to a black person or vice versa or any other combination. I think the thing that amuses me is that my hubby has picked up some of my mannerisms. So when he does it, he does it in that deliberate acknowledging way that is thenod. It's particularly interesting since he's fairly reserved, so although he looks friendly, it's not his custom to nod at stramgers, and he doesn't do it universally.

I don't even know if this even makes sense. I'm quite certain some of the distinctions I'm drawing are purely artificial, and quite possibly a figment of my imagination.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

I just looked at your user info, and saw that you're in Georgia, which, correct if I'm wrong, is possibly the most multicultural place in the entire US. I believe that Atlanta has the largest per capita black population in the US, doesn't it? So this phenomenon might not even be relevant. It's something you only see when people are a minority to the degree that seeing someone else of the same race is something of a novelty. and certainly not something that happens daily.

[machy.livejournal.com]

I am in Georgia, but that in now way means that it is multicultural! The south is horribly racist and segragated and my husband and I have our share of stories. It was just being the "white" person, I nod to black people all the time and don't think one thing of it. I probably do a similar "nod" as my husband, and I never thought once about it that black people may see me "trying" to identify or whatever. I just nod to people that look friendly, that we know, etc etc. There may be plenty of black people in the south, but believe me, black people are very much considered the minority here. I am small town Georgia...we know what slave family my husbands ancestors came from...we still live in that same town. The panel on racism that I did with Good Morning America is suppossed to now be airing at the beginning of August. I will let you know. I hope you can watch it and get to know me over the airwaves and hear my views on such things. But I most definetly I would give you a "nod", if not "the" nod if I were to ever meet you. *hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

Wow..please forgive my typos!

[garpu.livejournal.com]

Really? I thought California was *way* worse, when it came to racism. Plus, if you get outside of LA or the Bay, it gets really whackjob conservative. We're talking above and beyond mere political conservatives, too.

[machy.livejournal.com]

It may be. I have never lived in California or visited for more than a couple days. In my personal opinion, the south is worse than the midwest (ie: Kansas, Nebraska, Colorado). That is the part of the woods that I grew up in.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Oh no! That's terrible (we are planning to take a road trip to California in late October/November).

[garpu.livejournal.com]

Maybe it was where I was--Santa Clarita--which was on the edge of LA County, but you should be fine. CalArts would warn incoming students about being pulled over for "driving while black" :/ It should also be noted that I moved there shortly after the Rodney King verdict, so that may have played a part in the tensions.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Ah, you're in a small town...I saw Georgia and ASSumed that you were in Atanta. Small towns are so brutal. I grew up in one that had a population of 2500 in Northern Alberta, and it was incredibly racist. And apparently, it still is. I've just found that in cities, things are a bit better.

It's weird how we form these impressions, isn't it? The only southern state I've ever been to is Arkansas (my aunt lives in Little Rock), so I just figured that people were as friendly and welcoming and hospitable throughout the entire south.

Definitely let me know for sure when the episode is going to be on. I'm not even sure if we get Good Morning America, but if not, I'll have a friend of mine that has satellite tape it for me.

[machy.livejournal.com]

That is right, I forgot you were in Canada. And I think you so much for delving into this post a bit more with me. I love to learn different perspectives and I like to hear a black woman's point of view. If you ever want to learn anything, if you ever want to break down your own ignorance, then you have to ask right? So I thank you for answering my inquiries with such class. *hugs*

[gentlemaitresse.livejournal.com]

Things like that are why we always used to say that all black people know each other.

I was standing in line in some office one day, and the black woman at the counter seemed to know every single black person who walked in. She must have seem the incredulous look on my face (or maybe I said something, but it was a long time ago and I don't remember) because when I got up to her she smiled and said, "Yep, we *do* all know each other." Totally cracked me up.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

You're certainly not the first person to wonder. Quite a few of my friends had to get used to it too.

[skippers.livejournal.com]

heh

Wonderful. =) Please never tell him!

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Oh I could never tell him. I find it far too endearing to mention it to him, and have him become self-conscious and stop doing it. :-)

[waiting4it2snow.livejournal.com]

This entry made me laugh. My hubby just told me (I read him your entry) that Indian people nod too. He also mentioned that when he was working at Best Buy, he was the first person any minority new hire would come talk to, because there just wasn't any other.

I nod at people all the time, but that's just because I like being cheerful because it's so contagious. I also call out greetings to strangers and compliment randomly. Now my kids will start conversations with people and talk FOREVER and I'm like, uh, come ON... ;)

[waiting4it2snow.livejournal.com]

Oh, I should explain. I laughed because I could picture your husband doing "the nod" and the recipient of said nod having a head scratching moment. That's the part that struck me as so funny.

(BTW, I read other comments, and in one you said you weren't sure you were making any sense, but I felt that I had easily understood what amused you - that your husband is subconsciously mimicking your mannerisms, and the source of these mannerisms don't actually apply to him. Just so you know... *G*)

Reminds me of how I always laugh at the ideaof people thinking Prem can speak Spanish (because of his mixed heritage, he is mistaken for being Latin a lot), especially as a truck driver, doing deliveries in Texas, near the border. He says no one there speaks English and they all just stare at him, and I said it is probably because they think you are being rude and standoffish because you aren't using Spanish. For some reason, that just really amuses me.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

When I go out Salsa dancing, people just assume that I'm Cuban or Colombian and then INSIST on speaking Spanish to me, even after I've told them that I don't speak it. (Though I guess it doesn't help my case that I pretty much understand everything they're saying).

[catdraco.livejournal.com]

Slightly different scenario, but when I used to sing in Italian for the Italo-Australian Club here in Brisbane, my diction/cadence were such that noone would believe I don't actually speak the language. They'd come up afterward and start in some great stream of Italian, and I'd say, "No, no, in Inglese per favore! Non parlo Italiano!" and usually people would laugh themselves silly and say, "no, no, in Italiano!", because they thought I was shy, or pretending not to speak the language, or... I dunno. I'd usually then explain in English that my Italian sounds really good, because I'd been taught to do that - I just didn't know many Italian words (unless they were actually in the aria I was singing). I got a lot of suspicious looks... and often they'd "forget" and go back to Italian and we'd have the same conversation all over again five minutes later.

=)

[catdraco.livejournal.com]

*haha*
Motorcyclists all do the same thing. A nod when passing, or at the lights - even if you're not on the bike, but you're wearing your bike gear. It's like being part of a club.

What's funny is that I nod to bikers now, even if I'm not wearing bike gear/on the back of my husband's bike. One day it might get me into trouble, you know. *grin*

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

I had actually heard that about mortorcyclists. It's totally like being part of a club. What do you ride?

[catdraco.livejournal.com]

I sit on the back of my husband's bike. =) He rides a Kawasaki GPZ 1100.

The nod!

[gezellig-girl.livejournal.com]

Years ago, I asked a friend of mine if he knew that man we'd just passed, seeing as he greeted him with "the nod" and a "hey."

"No," he said, "it's just something us black people do to make all you white people think we all know each other.

"Oh. Um, okay," I said.

"It was much worse in the 70s," he continued, "my grandfather would be walking down the street, pass some stranger and be all like, 'HAH!'" He stops in his tracks, points out his fingers and continues in a gruff voice, "Heyyyyy, black man! How you doin'?!'"

"'Hey, black man. Hey, how you doin'?' Is that it?"

"No, you gotta like, jump into it -- HAH! -- and get those jive guns goin'."

{As I was typing this, Dave's like, "Seriously, what is so funny over there?" I'm like "I'm trying to type the 'HAH! Hey, black man!' story!"}

Re: The nod!

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

{As I was typing this, Dave's like, "Seriously, what is so funny over there?" I'm like "I'm trying to type the 'HAH! Hey, black man!' story!"}

And so totally worth the effort you made in typing. That's hilarious! If we ever meet, you totally have to greet me like that. :-D

[schneckerock.livejournal.com]

interestingly, there's a similar nod for people with curly hair. I noticed one day this (curly-haired) guy looking at me funny and I realized I had straightened that day. oops, not in the secret club anymore.

[waiting4it2snow.livejournal.com]

LOL,

oh mercy.

my son will be in that club.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Heh heh, I'm guessing you had given him the nod?

[lovejunk.livejournal.com]

It's totally relative, based on how outnumbered you feel. Here in Vancouver, it barely ever happens (as an Asian). On the Sunshine Coast I was doing the head nod to anyone with a good tan, I swear.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Totally true! When we were in Trinidad, I saw Jason trying to catch the eyes of any other foreign white people.

[gezellig-girl.livejournal.com]

You know, that happens to me all this time in this neighborhood, if I pass another non-Dominican... although it's a little more like a whoa-what-are-YOU-doing-here look.

[shofarot.livejournal.com]

'The nod' I gotta learn that, it looks way cool.

When did you change your LJ name? I have been so out of the commenting in journals thing that I clean missed it.

Are we on for this Friday? I left a message with Antonio.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Yes, we're on!