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Underground parking
Oct. 13th, 2006 09:09 pmI have a shitload of work to do. And why am I not in the office? Because I’m a total chicken, that’s why.
My office is in a weird area. By day it’s totally fine, but by night, it’s sketchy. Why this bugs me, I have no idea. During university, I lived in an area where my neighbour down the street got busted for selling smack, and where the was an abundance of colourful characters. It never bothered me in the least. In fact, I really liked where I lived. It was convenient to almost everywhere I needed to go, and depsite the blatant drug activity it was kind of a cute area, and most importantly, I was never afraid - not even getting off the skytrain and walking through the back alley to get home late at night. I wasn’t afraid to go to sleep with the door unlocked because my roommate had forgotten her keys. And when I finally got a set of wheels, I often left my car unlocked.
But now, I’m actually frightened to be at my office late at night. Maybe it’s because there is no one around. The parking lot is completely abandoned, save for me, and whichever characters I happen to see. I think it’s the feeling of isolation that totally unnerves me. It’s the knowledge that if something happened, there would be no one around to help me or to be a witness. My husband would be asleep, and he wouldn’t even notice that I was missing until the morning.
But still, it makes me angry that I’m afraid. I’m never afraid. Other people are afraid, other people are needy, other people need protection. But me, I walk with my shoulders up, my head up, and people know to steer clear. So what has happened? Has motherhood made me soft? Is it because I’m getting older?
I’d like to think that it’s just common sense, though it still chafes me that I feel this way.
Maybe I wasn’t afraid when I was university because it was a neighbourhood. I recognized the people on my street, and they recognized me. We said hello and made small talk when we saw each other. You know...neighbour type stuff. So I guess I always had the confidence that there were people around. And the colourful characters, were exactly that. Colourful, not frightening or ominous, or up-to-no-good. Okay, well that last part isn’t true. They were up to no good, but I didn’t bug them, and they didn’t bug me, so life was good. But late at night in an abandoned area, it’s not a neighbourhood. It’s an invitation to get attacked, or any one of a whole laundry list of unpleasant crap that could happen.
I think I may have to spring for the whatever extra per month it’s going to cost me for secure underground parking. Feh.
My office is in a weird area. By day it’s totally fine, but by night, it’s sketchy. Why this bugs me, I have no idea. During university, I lived in an area where my neighbour down the street got busted for selling smack, and where the was an abundance of colourful characters. It never bothered me in the least. In fact, I really liked where I lived. It was convenient to almost everywhere I needed to go, and depsite the blatant drug activity it was kind of a cute area, and most importantly, I was never afraid - not even getting off the skytrain and walking through the back alley to get home late at night. I wasn’t afraid to go to sleep with the door unlocked because my roommate had forgotten her keys. And when I finally got a set of wheels, I often left my car unlocked.
But now, I’m actually frightened to be at my office late at night. Maybe it’s because there is no one around. The parking lot is completely abandoned, save for me, and whichever characters I happen to see. I think it’s the feeling of isolation that totally unnerves me. It’s the knowledge that if something happened, there would be no one around to help me or to be a witness. My husband would be asleep, and he wouldn’t even notice that I was missing until the morning.
But still, it makes me angry that I’m afraid. I’m never afraid. Other people are afraid, other people are needy, other people need protection. But me, I walk with my shoulders up, my head up, and people know to steer clear. So what has happened? Has motherhood made me soft? Is it because I’m getting older?
I’d like to think that it’s just common sense, though it still chafes me that I feel this way.
Maybe I wasn’t afraid when I was university because it was a neighbourhood. I recognized the people on my street, and they recognized me. We said hello and made small talk when we saw each other. You know...neighbour type stuff. So I guess I always had the confidence that there were people around. And the colourful characters, were exactly that. Colourful, not frightening or ominous, or up-to-no-good. Okay, well that last part isn’t true. They were up to no good, but I didn’t bug them, and they didn’t bug me, so life was good. But late at night in an abandoned area, it’s not a neighbourhood. It’s an invitation to get attacked, or any one of a whole laundry list of unpleasant crap that could happen.
I think I may have to spring for the whatever extra per month it’s going to cost me for secure underground parking. Feh.
