The "No Questions Asked Rule"

[mahogany]

So I know that the kids are still young, but I’d be lying if I said that we haven’t considered what we’re going to do when they hit teenagehood. On the one hand, we’re both want a better relationship than we had with our parents. On the other hand, we want to make sure that the kids don’t confuse our understanding where they’re coming from, with condoning some of the things they might do.

Which brings me to the “No Questions Asked Policy”. Some of my friends in highschool had this happening with their parents. And in speaking with friends of mine that have teenaged children now, this philsophy is very much alive and well. If they were out and they had had too much to drink, or something had gone awry, they were to call their parents, and the parents would come get them - no questions asked. With some of my firends this acually worked pretty well. They were sensible kids who occassionally took things too far, and the parents stuck to their word (although it must have been hell), and didn’t ask questions, and didn’t bring up the incident.

But there were a few weren’t so level headed and they got into some pretty heavy drugs in a big way. At what point does the getting my kids home safely, and keeping open lines of communication turn into condoning dangerous behaviour, or enabling them? At what point should a parent break that trust?

Comments

[nightynight.livejournal.com]

I really wish my parents had given me the 'call anytime for a ride no questions asked', because there were times I was at risk and as frightening as it is to say this, drunk driving was the norm in small town AB where I grew up. I think and hope that is better now.

One thing that I've noticed that is cool among my younger friends is that they are always very concerned about whether people are good to drive and will insist on paying for cabs or sleeping over if people don't seem good. And having a good group of friends makes that safer.

I think the lesson is to say that friends support each others' safety and if there is a sense that is not occurring to just watch that relationship out.

As for preventing experimentation, I am not sure what on earth can be done about that. Information is power, and accurate information is ideal. I worry about dire warnings against marijuana and whether some kids try that drug, realize that they simply felt peaceful, happy, and really liked that concert they went to, and wonder what else they are missing. One thing that my friend does that is kind of interesting is talk with her kid about how very, very sad drug addiction is, and also how the people who make the money off these drugs (though I cannot realistically apply this to marijuana) are the same people involved in organized crime (ie. who enslave women through prostitution, engage in revenge murder, and seek to undermine the health of our society).

so my opinion which is probably worth little, since I have no kids, is that realistic ongoing dialogue from an early age is a great idea.

There is a fantastic Crystal meth ad on TV in alberta that I swear scares the shit out of everyone I know. 2nd ad/media file at this website:
http://corp.aadac.com/other_drugs/the_basics_about_other_drugs/crystal_meth_resources.asp

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

That's a great ad.

Doesn't matter if you don't have kids. Your opinion doesn't matter. And besides, I don't have teenagers, and I'm still writing and worrying about what to do, so....

As you know, I grew up in Northern Alberta, so drinking and driving was unfortunately very much a part of the scene. Thankfully, in my ultraconservative square high school in Edmonton, there was always a designated driver (I guess it wasn't THAT conservative if there was that much underage drinking). But, yeah among my peers it has always been a standard thing.

Maybe there's a generational thing going on though. I had a group of friends (all males) that were about 12-15 years my senior. And I would almost always stay sober when I was out with them (they couldn't be trusted to stay sober, that's for sure), and you know, I would have to BEG them to give me the keys and let me drive. Every single time for five years we would have the same argument. Also, one of my best friends (female) that's about twelve years my senior was really bad for driving drunk (she doesn't do it anymore), but when she was in her early thirties, boy did we ever have some arguments as I was trying to get her keys and get her into my car.

[mahogany.livejournal.com]

Eek! What I meant to write was that you opinion DOES matter to me. In fact, I hold your in opinion in very high regard.